i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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