From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
