Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
