I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
zippers are such a cool invention
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Everyone says I win the strip club
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
