I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
