According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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