I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
