3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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