i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
