Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
