Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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