Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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