remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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