I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
