I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
