It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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