Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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