I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
