we're blogging at a bar
only if we run a train.
done.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Text me some of your sweat
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
