I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
