The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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