This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
