So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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