Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The air was thick with penises
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
