so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
