Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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