The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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