The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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