I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
