tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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