I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
