did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i think we sleep fucked last night...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
