so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
