I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
is it fun? or sober?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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