I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
