gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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