Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
