apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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