"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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