I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
