clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
