i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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