I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
