new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The power of my boobs compel you
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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