Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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