I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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