I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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