Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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