How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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