I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
