i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
