he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
