I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
