bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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