I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
