1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
