HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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