he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
A+ Viking dick
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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