i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
