If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
