You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
