Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
