Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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