why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
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Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
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saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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