Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Randomize
