Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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