i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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