he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
tell me about the eggs
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
