Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
