Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
