ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize