I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
well you can't waste a boner
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
