a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im holly from the hills drunk
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
